Bruni in the City: Gaining Confidence
We should keep improving our self-esteem
NEW YORK CITYVOICES: Spring 2006
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By Christina Bruni I’ve thought long and hard about how language can empower us or be a self-fulfilling prophecy. It has a powerful emotional undercurrent. In October, I learned that NAMI changed its name from the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
We’ve been liberated! We’re no longer self-identified as being symptomatic of our illnesses. This is nothing short of revolutionary. I think it’s come at a vital time in the history of recovery from mental illness.
It’s our right not to settle for less. It’s time to demand more. We don’t have to collect a disability check for the rest of our lives. We don’t have to accept inferior treatment. On a positive note, we can embrace our talents and take pride in that which is good about us.
When I attended the NAMI-New York State educational conference, I met people who praised me for the column I write. I felt respected and accepted. It gave me the confidence to go out into the world and trust that I was a person of great worth.
Peer support has been instrumental in validating my efforts to stay healthy and live well. Everyday I thank God that I’m in remission and able to do as much as I do. I believe “an attitude of gratitude” is the only way to live. I accept that I have an extra hurdle to clear in this lifetime yet I try to respond to my trials with grace.
I find beauty in everything and everyone. I delight in the persimmon floral lining the tailor stitched into my poncho. I smile when the shy girl dressed up for Halloween comes to the reference desk at the library where I work with a question and leaves a candy behind for me. I’m pleased that I’m able to use an automatic machine to get and pay for my train tickets to Albany.
The rock band U2 song asks us, “When you look at the world, what is it that you see?” How we talk to ourselves when we look in the mirror has a direct impact on our success. Why not take the first step and act in a loving way towards yourself and then see the treatment you get when you go out the front door?
My odyssey in recovery has been learning how to trust the world again after paranoia set in. I feel if you respect yourself, you’re going to keep boundaries. The loneliness and isolation of mental illness tend to breed anxiety. We may accept poor treatment from others because we so desperately want to have friends or lovers.
Meandering through the nebulous social protocol of life, love and sex in the city is hard. I know one woman who fell in love with a man who had a foul smell. He treated his body like a garbage dump and that should’ve been an indication of how he’d treat her. It goes without saying that he used her and then left.
It’s time to raise the bar higher. Let’s dare to let go of the language, thoughts, fears and behaviors that imprison us. Calling each other “schizophrenics” is a form of internalized stigma. We deserve better.
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